Alexander's Birthday Demands

Dear Parents,

It is my first birthday on the 31st of March. I have heard queries lately of what I would want for my birthday. Below please find my list of birthday demands in descending order of importance.

1. Dishwasher. Not a kids' play one, the real deal. I spend my days plotting how to get the kitchen dishwasher open, pull out all the silverware, racks, and anything that catches my eye. Its even more fun when it hasn't been run yet (dirty, yea!), or I got a sharp knife. I have recently discovered the joys of pushing all the buttons on the control panel and like the freedom of running a load whenever I please. I want my own.

2. Refrigerator. Ditto, a real one. There are few moments of pure joy in my humble existence. I can hear the slight wheezing it makes when it opens from across the apartment, and come running. (I even hear when you try to open it quietly so I won't come running.) I feel joy radiate out my little fingers and toes the moment the refrigerator opens. I love to stare at the bright lights, open the bins, wiggle around the bottles and try to climb it. Double bonus if I find something I can eat. Mom is always such a spoiler to pull me out and close it. I want one.

3. Toilet paper. Ok, ok. So, its true, I have "disposed of" a couple rolls already by pulling them entirely off the roll when no one is looking. Watching the winding motion as paper comes streaming into my hands, collecting a virtual mountain of white fluffy chewable paper around my feet is pure bliss. For my birthday, I want unfettered access to toilet paper on its spindle, 24-7.

4. Full Access to Isaac's Toys. This is more of a perspective problem. Every day, all day, Isaac will look like he is having fun with something, but the moment I want in on the action, its "no, no, no!" and then you hand me something lame like a rattle or a stuffed animal. Why does Big Brother have all the cool stuff, and why can't I have an equal opportunity to access it? Look folks, I've been trying to explain to you for the last twelve months: The rule is, if I want it, its mine.

While I'm at it, a good run in the hallway always brightens up my day, as does bath time. Why don't we extend bath time to an hour, and increase the bubble bath (yeah, mom, i see you skimping on it sometimes).

Also, you know how you've been trying to get me to sleep through the night. Well..... lets call it a quid pro quo. You deliver on my birthday, and we'll talk sleep.