Making up for lost time

I don't think that I have been pulling my weight around the blog lately, so I have attempted to make up for it with three posts tonight! (Please do not tell Jeff Tate--I promised him a month ago I would post on the Columbia JReub blog for admitted students and haven't done it yet.)

Occasionally if I am just getting home around 8, I will turn on Comedy Central while I'm doing things around the apartment. Comedy Central is one of about a dozen channels that we get, and they show the previous night's "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report." (I'm not sure exactly why it is the previous night's show, but I assume it because I have the cheapest cable package. I refuse to get a decent cable package because 1) I am cheap, 2) I am protesting the fact that in Manhattan you have to pay for cable to get any TV channels at all, 3) we don't watch that much TV, and 4) I think most of what is on TV and especially cable isn't worth watching anyway.) I don't like the Daily Show--Jon Stewart is too crass, is not an equal opportunity jokester (i.e., he only makes fun of Republicans), and sometimes is just not very humorous; but I think Colbert is pretty funny. When Brett Farve retired, Colbert said this. Yes, my thoughts exactly. (Although, lest anyone underestimate my Trivial Pursuit abilities, I do know what sport he played and his position.) My favorite thing about flipping on Colbert, though, is... Democralypse! And not just because it is funny!

But, in the spirit of equal-opportunity political jokes, I share my favorite humor piece of the election so far, which will bring us back into the exciting days of the campaign:

January 17, 2008, 12:54 pm
Questions for the Candidates
By Matt Bai

In theory, it should go like this: the more candidates withdraw from the nomination fights in both parties, the cozier and more manageable the debates become, and the better and more illuminating the exchanges. As the debates since New Hampshire have proved, though, the reality doesn’t bear this out. The problem is that by this point in a campaign, the candidates have spent so many thousands of hours hammering away at the same points over and over again that they’re practically on autopilot. There are a few sharp comments, a laugh here or there, but mostly the debates devolve into a familiar and unsatisfying contest of wills: moderators try to think up unexpected questions that might force the candidates to speak extemporaneously, while each candidate looks for a way, no matter how tortured, to turn every question into a recital of the same lines we heard in the last 400 debates.

I suggest we try reverse psychology. Instead of making it harder for candidates to lapse into their stump speeches, we should make it easier for them by choosing the world’s most ignorant moderator, thus confusing the candidates and causing them to practically explode from excitement. Some possible questions:

Senator Edwards, have you or any members of your family ever worked in a factory or other kind of manufacturing facility? Parent? Grandparent? If so, can you please tell us whether this had any effect on your political philosophy? You have 30 seconds.

Mayor Giuliani, can you think of any single event in your professional life, perhaps during your tenure as mayor, that demonstrated your leadership or shaped your worldview? Also, do any of the policy challenges we now face remind you at all of Word War II? If so, how?

Governor Romney, a two-parter. First, is there any political figure—a former president maybe—whom you believe embodied the principles of conservatism? If so, do you share any similarities? Second, do you have any misgivings about the state of government in Washington? Would you describe it as very functional, reasonably functional, or something else?

Senator Obama, do you happen to know how many of the candidates on stage opposed the invasion of Iraq? What were your own feelings at the time, if you can remember? Also, is there any one word—faith or optimism or something like that—that you feel captures the spirit of your campaign? Take a moment, if you need to.

Senator Clinton, is there any one thing that you feel might be missing from Barack Obama’s resume as a presidential candidate, any particular weakness that you might have detected in his qualifications for the job? Also, can you tell us on which day, after assuming the presidency, that you might actually be ready to lead? Day three? Day four? Please be specific.

Governor Huckabee, without prying into your personal beliefs, is there any particular creed or faith that guides your decision-making? And are there any books, historical texts or parchment scrolls that have been particularly relevant to your life? Please be brief.

This is a question for all the Democrats on the panel: Many voters feel that President
Bush has enhanced the country’s reputation and been a force for good in the world. Do you agree or disagree? How would you rate him compared to, say, Franklin Roosevelt or Harry Truman?

Senator McCain, one of the concerns people often express about Washington is that it’s awash in campaign money. Have you noticed this problem, and, as a senator, have you taken any steps at all to address it? Also, can you please clarify, once and for all, your position on Iraq? Would you have any objection to withdrawing some troops before the mission is complete?

Finally, I’d pose this question to all the candidates: Do you or do you not support our troops? Please explain.

Very good, except he forgot one for Ron Paul:

“Representative Paul: Is there a particular entity of the federal government, perhaps involved with regulating the national economy, that you would like to change? Which one, and how?”